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How To Know When You Are In Love

Love Relationships

Love and relationships are a tricky thing. Because love is a feeling that means different things to different people, even knowing whether or not you love your partner can be a confusing thing to figure out. That’s where we come in. So before you utter the big L.O.V.E word in your next relationship, it’s important you understand what it can mean.

We started by asking a few people about their old relationships – “Why did you think you were in love?”

Anu

“He was always on my mind. I realized it was impossible to go 5 minutes without thoughts of him coming up, it was beautiful yet daunting.”

Collins

“I literally found myself craving her, and I don’t mean physically, I can’t get enough of her when she’s here and I crave her like an addiction when she’s away.”

Paul

“When I thought about my future, I couldn’t imagine it without her. Moving into my new home, getting that contract, and having kids were unimaginable without her. ”

Funmilayo

“I just loved having him around.”

Busayo

“I literally found myself craving her, and I don’t mean physically, I can’t get enough of her when she’s here and I crave her like an addiction when she’s away.”

Boma

“I was literally willing to do anything to impress her and make her happy”

Nelson

“I knew I was in love after I realized I couldn’t stand other guys making her laugh.”

Nnenna

“He has such a beautiful soul, he is so kind, generous, loving. It’s the whole works”

A group of Individuals
“I just know I love them”

Our Hot take

If you read all of this hoping for answers regarding matters of the heart, we are sorry to disappoint, if these conversations have taught us anything, it is that no one can tell you exactly how you feel. Only time will tell if you’re really in love or you have a special package curated with your name.

Perhaps, some of the aforementioned are characteristic of the emotions you feel when in love, however, none of these is the true foundation from where it stems from. We believe that you know because you *do* the act of love. You invest effort. You put in actual work.

So here are three easy steps to know you’re IN love:

1. Love isn’t a state of mind, measured by feelings and sentiments, it’s in the doing

It’s refusing to be vengeful, manipulative, callous, unforgiving, unnecessarily petty, or jealous. Love isn’t a constant desire for validation or assurance, or taking account of the other persons ‘love deeds’ and only reciprocating to balance the books. It is doing the acts of love selflessly, without ulterior motives or a selfish intent at the back of your mind.

You know because you refuse to make your love conditional, or your acts of love something to be earned.

You know because you understand their love language and play to it. You know because you care for them and take care of them. You refuse to be grabby or clingy or irrational just to satisfy your misguided insecurities. You know because you love them in the big things, the little things, and the in-between things.

2. You know you do because you decide to

Love doesn’t fall on you, neither do you fall into it. It is intentional and anticipated and planned. You can unknowingly (or perhaps unwittingly )develop feelings, but you decide to love.
You know because you are deliberate. You are conscious of the fact that you love. You know because you are committed to do the act of loving[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

3. You know you do cos their interest and values matter to you – always

Note: Always.

Not just when you’re in a great mood, or in a good mood. Always.

You know because you refuse to be callous even during disagreements. You don’t withhold your love or acts of love to punish them. You know because you don’t hold your love over their head as something they have to ‘behave correctly’ to get.

You know you love when you do the acts of loving even when it isn’t always convenient.

The real issue is that we shouldn’t be trying to find out if we’re in love(that’s something you can only answer by deciding to or not to), in reality, we should be trying to learn how to love our partners better.

So the next time you’re trying to improve that relationship, don’t go looking for answers to “How to know I’m in love”, instead try asking: “How to love my partner better”. And if god-forbid you are in a relationship where your partner does not show or do any of these things or worse, if he/she physically, mentally or emotionally abuses you! Run!!!

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