Marriage is tricky. Recently, a story came out about a couple who were supposed to have a joint account but the man found out that his wife had kept a secret stash over the years where she deposited ten percent of her income into.
— Am I the Asshole? (@AITA_reddit) August 17, 2020
So naturally, the entire internet is divided about whether that is right, wrong, or justified.
She is a full adult. She did what was in her best interest which is fair enough for her, and not what is in the interest of the marriage in the eyes of her husband PER THEIR AGREEMENT. If he wants to remove his money make she allow am ki lo fa noisemaking.
— Jola (@Jollz) August 18, 2020
I completely get that women hide money. Even your mama dey hide money from your papa, but what I HATE with my life is having an agreement with me and going of to do something else. That’s dodgy. https://t.co/h5HUl34wIj
— Retired Jaguda (@manmustwack) August 18, 2020
So we decided to ask some actual Nigerian couples what they thought.
Do you think it’s okay for your partner should have a secret stash?
I think the mistake they both made was deciding that they would put all their earnings into a joint account. That’s ridiculous! All they need to agree is on a specific amount that should be put in the joint account every month. That’s what I and my spouse are doing. Whatever other money I make, what I want to do with it, where I keep it etc. that doesn’t concern him and vice versa. But to say the totality of your income? A full 100 percent of your income? Especially in Nigeria where the laws don’t protect the women? It’s only natural for an African woman or a Nigerian woman to have a secret stash. She should have been sincere enough with him to say she can’t do that from the start, not lie about it.
I don’t have a problem with my partner having a secret account. That’s fine. But my issue with this story is that they had an agreement to put all their income into a joint account and she went behind his back to hide ten percent. That’s very dishonest and will cause a lot of problems if it was me. I think he overreacted though by asking to remove forty percent. I wouldn’t do that unless I wanted to end that marriage. I think they definitely need to see a therapist or something.
No be today dem start secret account. I don’t think I would mind if I found out that my husband has a secret account because I have a secret account myself and in the end, the money still ends up spent on the family. If he decides to spend secret money on someone else, that’s his business. It’s funny because in the North if a woman finds out that a man has a secret account, it’s not a big deal but if he finds out that his wife has a secret account, he gets upset. Why is she hiding things from me? What is it that I’m not giving her? blah blah blah.
No, because why should she have one? He didn’t overreact. I would be so pissed. She should be sure of our marriage, not preparing for failure or for something like that. Although, if her previous partner was abusive I would understand why she had to take precautions. I still wouldn’t like it but I wouldn’t leave or divorce her. If we’re separating though it’s non-negotiable, I would want my ten percent back.
I saw the story too. In my opinion, I don’t think it’s okay. When two people enter into a mutual agreement like a marriage they take the risks and the rewards together. When someone starts hiding things from their partner like money after they agreed to have a joint account, it’s a sign that the trust is lost. When there’s no trust anymore, the marriage is hanging by a thread because you begin to doubt everything your partner does even when they’re being open with you. It’s a slippery slope. Renegading on an agreement even in contracts is a cause for a lawsuit and/or fines. Having a secret stash is okay if there was no agreed-upon joint account. As long as there’s a joint account, there should be no secrets stash.
I don’t think it’s an issue for her to have a stash. People have to look out for themselves. We have to be realistic in life oh. Anything can happen. But I think that there should be that transparency between couples so one person doesn’t feel like the other is hiding something.
The answer is a straightforward No. Should she have a stash? Absolutely! But why’s it a secret if there’s nothing to it?
Financial independence is very important even in marriage. Having that financial security can relieve a lot of tension in a marriage. However, people subscribe to different commitments when they enter into a marriage. Some agree to a percentage of their monthly income they will contribute to a joint fund for the running of the house, some split the bills, some go all in and need each other’s permission to spend, whatever works for them. I’m guessing in the case of this woman, they had an agreement and in the name of financial security she’s not been entirely faithful and that is wrong.