At what point did you realise some parts of you were missing? When you felt empty? When a bit of your happiness went missing? When you felt like there was something missing but you couldn’t place you hand on it so you moved on.
How many times have you moved on? Picked up the remaining pieces only to find yet another piece gone again?
“It’s fine.” “I’m fine.” “I can make do.” “I didn’t really need that job.” “The extra money i would’ve made doesn’t hurt that much.” “Oh disappointments happen a lot.” “She wasn’t the one for me.” “He wasn’t worth it.”
Ohh Oh the favourite line “It wasn’t God’s will”
Yes. They might all be true. The consolation line, but have you addressed that little part of you that died with each disappointment, the tiny joy that turned to anger, to resentment. To self hate.. slowly slowly your mental space became compromised, little loss here and there let down your guard.
But you didn’t fix it. You made do. And gbam. The robbery happened, the major trigger that had you thinking “I AM NOT FINE” “I HAVE BEEN ROBBED” but you still trying to conceal it, trying to prove to the world you’re moving strong.
Slowly into debts of sadness, depression, suicidal thoughts you sink. A walking corpse, you have gotten used to the disappointments, you aren’t moved by the lies, you expect the failure, you are going bankrupt…..
It’s time to take a loan. It’s time to turn to your family and friends and say ” I am not fine, and I’ve not been for a long time.”
Take some of their happiness, bask in their love. It may not be easy, the disappointments are still there! But it’s something to get you by. Don’t feel like a debtor or a liability, because they too would need that loan some day, share with the people who are barely hanging in there, invest in your happiness. Seek professional help need be.
Be honest. With yourself first. Then others.
Soon, you would be up on your feet collecting little pieces of happiness for yourself, people who say you look better, they will feel your warmth radiating through you. Don’t forget to give back, don’t forget to be on the look out, don’t wait till your friend has been robbed or bankrupt to chip in some happiness their way.
You might have been robbed but hey! You would surely get back on your feet, safeguard your mental space, some days “it’s an inside job”
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/ 6 months ago
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